everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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