i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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