We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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