when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
