Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
