Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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