he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
