Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
