When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
