I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
