Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
