remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
