i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
