i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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