OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
