i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
