He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
