If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
