Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
