yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
