in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
