oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
