just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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