Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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