he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
