shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
