You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
