pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
