He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
