She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
