The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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