I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
