You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
