If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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