I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
