We got so high we made milksteak
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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