By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
