he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
