So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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