Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
organizing the empties. That sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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