There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
