so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
