he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
