so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
