hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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