Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
