your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
