i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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