I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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