I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The ass gains better be worth it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
