at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
