apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
