Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
