then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
