You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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