She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
