I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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