She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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