scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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