M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
