For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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