end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
