Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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