My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
