My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
