Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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