She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
