Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
