I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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