She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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