He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
