i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
