all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
