Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
