Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This house was built for laser tag.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
