And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
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Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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