His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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