I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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