i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
