is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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