Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
